on friday night, i got home after a long tiring day. i thought everything was gonna be fine. like a normal TGIF kinda thing, ya know. but no, friday was only the start of the worst to come...
i was in my room getting ready to take a shower, until i heard a ruckus in the neighboring room; my brother and his wife's room. the door opened and i caught a glimpse of what was happening inside. details not important here...
starring in disbelief, i was ever-ready to hop in should the situation aggravate. i was never the sort of person who likes to be part of such chaos. i always believed that happiness will prevail no matter what if people want it to. those that don't believe the same way as i do, i chose to...leave alone. this time was different, however, maybe it was the intensity of the scene that was taking place at that time. or maybe its the new me...
the me who smiles in peace when he sees happy couples and the one who gets worked up when he sees one that isn't... happy couples who make things right against all odds give me hope. unhappy ones that stab at each other all the time just to end up in a 'bloodbath', takes it away. and i just cant allow that. i refuse to lose that hope...
back to the scenario.
soon enough, the slap came. followed by another. i charged to break-up the struggle. it wasnt really in the head. more like reflex or something. brother enraged and wife, distraught. it was an inferiority and impatience incompatibility problem...
a separation was suggested out of impulse. i grew afraid. i never really got the chance to know my sister-in-law better. but she was a nice lady. really nice. one i feel i could turn to. and before i get the chance to do so, separating me from her so isnt fair.
separating me from anything i hold hopes on before i could even take a glimpse of whats inside, isn't fair at all. separating me from it than revealing that this thing i hold hopes on is nothing more than a fraud, that indescribable pain...its comparable to death itself.
after 30 mins of me and my dad standing in to make sure the situation is under control, my sister-in-law got down to packing her stuff, getting ready to fly back to her country. it seemed like it was all over...
yet somehow, they managed to sit down to talk things out. in the room, alone, quietly, with no violence. the next thing i know, everything was pretty again. and im proud of them to have made it through this obstacle. very proud.
they gave me hope that happy-endings do exist... and hope is what i really need now.
had a rough day on Sunday. really rough. history repeated itself for the 4th time.
and also the last...
it was looking gloomy, despite having cool people of the dance world around me. until i got home...
walking into the house, there they were; sitting on the sofa, side-by-side in the living room, watching tv, closer and sweeter than ever. i smiled to myself...
just when i was wondering how i was gonna last the night without waking up with that weird empty feeling in me, i walked into my room to find boxes of high-end snacks and a letter.
opening the letter, reading that one line written on it, i teared. it wrote:
Ben Thank you...N...Im sorry for that day... Xxxxxx ^_^
silly sister-in-law. i should be thanking you instead. thank you for being so strong. so persistent. so determined to make things work despite all you've been put through. thank you for showing me light when all seemed pitch black... thank you for striving so hard for what you believe in; for love...
well i would tell her all these. but than i might just make a nice girl cry. so that wouldn't be very...ideal and i'd feel bad...
thanks to her. i had a box of yummy raspberry strudel tarts to fill my tummy and heart with sweetness before hitting the sacks. looking forward to a better morning, i closed my eyes and breathed to the soothing rhythm that was playing on my stereo, slowly sending me to slumberland.
yeap the morning turned out as i expected. the instant feeling of lost, emptiness and anguish. only plus point is that ive grown kinda used to it. so it wasnt all that difficult to brush off. got to school and favorite lunch buddies aren't in school. most hated facilitator in class. mood was hitting rock bottom... until i made one move which turned my day around.
i decided to write a message to a special friend, updating her about how im doing as well as to ask for a small favor. her reply came shortly. it blew me away. and tears instantly welled up in my eyes. of course, i pulled myself together. i was in class and it will be weird breaking down in front of classmates i hardly talk to... but it was happy tears. tears filled with (yeah, you guessed it) hope...
nobody for a long time has touched me the way this message touched me. it lifted me out of my nightmarish slumber, shining light at the path ahead of me. she is an inspiring instructor, amazing choreographer, astounding dancer and one hell of a good friend. she's one awesome, hard-to-find individual, really. thank you, Gin, for everything. God bless you, girl.
out of all the drama, comes knowledge and strength.
and out of the abyss, comes a path filled with hope. :)
now, dance shall do the rest of the talking... enjoy!
life's a liar; 5/17/2010 10:09:00 AM it's never as simple as it seems.
me...
benjamin sng is the name.
(please, just call me benjy.)
150690 is my special day. yes, im a gemini. (and no, i am not 2-faced...)
for more insights on my life, check out my posts. :)
