Monday, September 15, 2008
through the devils bend.
quite dramatic a post down there huh? its really amazing with what your fingers can come up with no matter what time it is and i must say, my efforts were not in vain. heaven was indeed away for quite some time, but it sure hasnt lost its touch.
in some way, ive received an enlightenment. ive figured that the main cause of all my self-induced emotional torment...
yes...self-induced...
...is the long hours ive spent at home, with nothing to do and the thoughts, free to wander into the deeper recesses of that one dangerous mind. thus, me being able to come up with things no busy mind is free enough to comprehend nor generate.
taking that and my humanity into consideration , ive decided that if i cant change society, i shall change me. since everyone is so darn busy pursuing they're individual dreams and ambitions, i should do myself justice by simply fitting in. and maybe now i have an excuse for being oblivious to the chaos that reality aimlessly inflicts on others? boy, i can just feel the excitement. mean? you have no idea...
you see. id love to be a support to anyone i feel who needs it aka friends, family, loved ones etc. anyone who would go almost all out to be that somebody that will in time give them an overwhelming sense of accomplishment, definitely fits the bill. BUT...
theres always a but to everything, my love. dont you see?
...to be taken advantage of that patience you try so hard to maintain..do you, dear reader, know how that feels? i believe you do.
so heres the deal. right now, im set on taking on 4 major dance projects revolving around this month till november. 2 of which are the 2 competitions, code:edge and danz war. the other 2 is actually just 1 big production, but ill be with both hip-hop and modern, each a 10 min long item plus a finale piece which will be about the same duration. hectic? yeah baby. crazy? hardly!
more so, i worry these might not be enough...ps. and i hope you're happy now. because i am. look, im smiling...=')
life's a liar;
9/15/2008 11:51:00 PM
it's never as simple as it seems.
a witches cauldron.
im perfectly sure i need ample rest for a steady start of a fresh school week, which will commence in about...5 hours time. ive got my lullaby tunes on, yet strangely, i dont get symptoms near that of a dream.sleep; that one best friend, who shelters and hides me from the demons of reality. i guess even best friends get tired...have i used sleep as an excuse to get away from the world over-excessively? my eyelids shut, just to get pulled opened again and again. with meanings after meanings rushed up my brain vessels. questions over questions, piling up in my supposed emptied body. things arent looking good in there. any smart souls with a prescription? somebody? anybody?hey, you. are you...oh...nobody...flu? well, no sneezing or leaky nasals. fever? maybe not yet. cancer? erm, i wish? but thats really besides the point. i have no idea how do i put together this mess that i have created within myself. was just holding on to that little hope that maybe this little text box here could inspire me to sucessfully manage my thoughts, wants, needs and ultimately, life. and there i go again, holding on to little hopes.what ailment is this? dosent feel as common as the common flu. nor does it feel anything close to the dreamy, relaxed state of mind that fever creates. kinda feels like vacuum has emptied me inside out. somewhere there, at least. its been 2 days, and time definately isnt healing. or perhaps, not yet? optimistic me would then preach: well, im not gonna sit here and wait, that's for sure. i might just find a miracle down the road.miracle? as a kid and as the present me, ive always enjoyed hearing that word. but what is it? where is it?now, all i want to do is cry like a fricking infant. i really envy those little guys, bursting out into tears so effortlessly. where have that side of me gone to? if the misery is not in the tear ducts, than where is it?it has to be somewhere. i know its there.questions, questions, questions. arent questions meant to be answered? or is it true that all life's questions are only answered in death? a little much uh, death? not yet, i guess. life, unfortunately, has so much more in store for me than i could ever imagine. yet how i have overlooked it when i started off my 1st word here. ashamed, i am and i should be.then again, could i be dead? and this place, hell? please, tell me im not in heaven...what exactly have i gotten myself into?and who would've thought you'd actually leave me asking myself that question. you, out of everyone else. why?
life's a liar;
9/15/2008 03:28:00 AM
it's never as simple as it seems.
