"at the end of every relationship, there is no victim and culprit. both are equally victimized, and both are equally guilty."
another chapter of my life has passed. painful, but it has to be done... pain is a powerful motivator and i will always hold that closely to my heart.
and yes, it has all passed for good. im not going to turn back like i always do to pick up the glass pieces. it tires me so bad especially when the other party always insist on being the more tired one. that is when i give myself up to become a totally different person altogether. for you and your damn ignorance to even care about what's troubling me. no, you've never cared. even if you did try to make me think you did. deep down inside, im nothing but another hassle...
another headache...
another emotional wreck...
another insecure youth...
safe to say, just another burden?
above all the struggles i put up with within myself for us, all the other party can ever think about is 'i am... me... mine...my...' or 'you...you dont...you always....you cant'. its never about us.
nobody is to blame, really. certain people have the ability to feel for others, going the extra mile to make things right. while others are scarred by the past and shielded by an impermeable membrane of ego... i know. because i was once that. but now, im this. stupid me for thinking you'd be the right one...
yeap, you were right about that part of me. i can be so, so stupid...
despite all that has been said and done, its over. ive had my fair share of drama. i dont heal fast and i admit. but im holding on to what little faith there is left in me now. why numb myself when i can't handle it? when it will just hurt more in the days and weeks to come? i wanna let it out here and now and, if heaven permit, never let this side of me come to light again.
there was really nothing great about you. you asked for a penny for my thoughts just to end up shouting at me, being unable to accept and comprehend. youre always putting your mood and temper before me, you think ill of me when all i say or do is for the sake of loving you and embracing us. inevitably, the good times will be dearly missed. yet sadly, they dont mean as much to you as they do to me.
might be a little heavy on the post but c'mon, you can handle it. you always do a fine job moving on. as you always say "nothing new".
yesterday and today, ive been blasting this really old school emo song, forcing the agony outta me. i cant let these feelings linger in me. it will steal my future away, tormenting me with each and every passing morning... with lyrics so relevant, how can i control myself?
and again, i hate myself for not being able to heed the words of close loved ones. im sorry, my friends... your words will all sink in when the time comes. i just need an outlet for the "garbage" in me in order to take in new stuff. nevertheless, thank you all so much for your love, care and concern. what would i do without you guys, id never know.
God is good. God is great. and God loves me. :)
life's a liar; 5/04/2010 10:55:00 AM it's never as simple as it seems.
me...
benjamin sng is the name.
(please, just call me benjy.)
150690 is my special day. yes, im a gemini. (and no, i am not 2-faced...)
for more insights on my life, check out my posts. :)
