Wednesday, April 28, 2010
turncoat.
after a sweet serene ending yesterday thanks to a few beloved humans around me, i meditated and came to conclude something...
being science students, we learn that the more you go against something, the more stress and heat there will be. so i think the best thing to do now is live for the moment. stop looking into what life will bring, benjy. stop throwing yourself at it to make things work. when it comes, it comes. it dosent pay to think, especially when thinking only means sucking the blood of the one you thought you could share your everything with. when something so basic and innocent like sharing gets interpreted as some sort of weapon, what would you do?
what did i do? i sucked it all in. others explode, guess i just needa compromise and implode instead. plus, exploding is not in my vocabulary. at least not for now...
i will still hang on to the hope that one day you might see, though. see the rationale behind all that i say or do...
until than, imma be me. not for the oppressive past, nor for the infinite future, but for the present. the 'now'. the real thing. i need to pull myself together. there are still a lot of things i need to turn my attention to. for now, im gonna have to face this alone. and i dont believe i cant.
not when youre doing such a good job disregarding my feelings for the sake of satisfying your ego...
afterall, troubling myself just means im being 'troublesome'. not only to myself but strangely, for the one im troubling myself for. i dont see how that works but im gonna have to play along.
if heaven permit, may there be a day when we both walk hand-in-hand, side-by-side. healed of all injuries. i cant keep up with you when im limping like that. plus, you cant handle that burden...
thank you, anonymous. whoever you are. your care and concern is deeply appreciated.
and thank you for reading, dear reader. :)
life's a liar;
4/28/2010 10:10:00 AM
it's never as simple as it seems.
