Tuesday, April 27, 2010
falling from grace.
maybe i have isolated myself from the embraces of love for a long time, that i've forgotten how is it like to love, to trust, to be truly happy...
who dosen't wanna be happy, really? i do, and thats why i chose singlehood. until you came along...
i dont sleep the same, act the same. i dont even talk the same. its almost like im not me anymore. where's care-free, optimistic benjy? i miss him. wonder how is he doing... wonder if he will ever come back...
i miss my friends. those i used to party, go crazy and embrace the colors of singlehood with. im sorry, guys, but i guess thats life; to get something, we sometimes gotta lose something...
i used to sleep for hours after hours guiltlessly. like ive got nothing to lose. nothing to look forward to. now, despite the increasingly fatigue everyday routine, sleep dosent come anywhere near me. even after ive finally got it, i get woken up by the slightest sound, in cold sweat, afraid of what the new day might bring.
yes, afraid. no more "its gonna be a much better day today!" that benjy almost dosent exist anymore.
i hate it. i hate it so bad. peace? happiness? who fricking dont want them?
nobody told me love was all about sacrificing your happiness for another. arent both parties suppose to be happy at the same time? somebody, please enlighten me...
doubts are like helium balloons; volatile and light. if you dont grab them and tie them gently on to something, they will fly high above the clouds. where will they end up floating to, we will never know. one thing is for sure, though. upon reaching a certain altitude, it will bursts.
my doubts took me high up there. you couldnt wait. you shot the balloons down, yours truly along with it.
does it matter? i still got what i wanted; to get my foot back down on earth. i just dont know if you did it because you really wanted to save me and panicked, or youre just too tired and cropped up with what youre doing to think about my survival...
things like that dont happen all the time. people live to learn life lessons. a kid who got trapped in a lift will never step into one alone again in the future. not unless he gets some sort of comfort from a trustworthy someone...
today, i learnt a life lesson. i do not believe in the theories behind it, but i have no choice but to abide by it. thats life; someone will always have to take it in. today, life taught me that if youre trapped in the sky hanging for your life on a bunch of balloons, hang in there, dont panic, and choose who you pick to save you... some go the extra mile to ensure your well-being while others, just dont see the need to. unconditional love dosent exist here, so it seems...
it was always you, though...
despite the pain......
to love you, ive lost myself...
life's a liar;
4/27/2010 02:52:00 PM
it's never as simple as it seems.
