Thursday, February 19, 2009
with eyes open, mouth shut, ears on manual.
this past 2 months has summed up to be a true eye opener for me. im starting to see things for what they truly are worth, the things that people often complain about while the older ones can't help but beg to differ.
money; endless supply from parents. not a problem at all.
studies; lazy. no interest. waste of time. unmotivated.
family; problematic. troublesome. a hassle instead of a help. A BURDEN.
not like anybody had to actually talk to me in order for me to realise that the above are all nothing but childish bullcrap. of course, if someone had actually talked some sense into me earlier, i wouldnt be enlightened only after ive become a legal smoker.
(nope, i still dont smoke.)
but sometimes, we dont actually have to wait for people to tell us stuff before we can actually optimize. its really not that difficult. all it takes is just for us to drop all other weightages for a moment, breathe and let the things we see naturally add meaning to the energy called LIFE. just a few short, quiet moments is all that is needed as a 1st step to looking beyond our shallow vision. and remember that the things that matter to you, not neccesarily matters to others. so for me, id rather rely on myself to make things right.
(ginsengs are one of those fugly plant thangs but their worth goes way beyond how they look. link? go figure.)
many a time, even if people do talk to us, our ego will, as always, be the "kind" doorman to shut the ears to any content that may make one feel inferior.
(this is stupid because i thought everyone's suppose to know that NO HUMAN IS PERFECT. oh well...)
only after 18 years, have i truly felt the worth of my family, my parents. its a sad thing, really. undoubtedly, ive been close to tears a number of times just thinking about how foolish i was to do and say the things i did in the past. hints were there all along, but hidden away by the other things we deem important; love, lust, fame. but what's there to get out of all these? heartbreaks after heartbreaks? fear of HIV? people who cant stop bitching about you? so darn UNNECCESARY, thank you very much.
ok! enough for the drama mama talk. ive been following routines these past few days; sleeping at around 3 and waking up at 11. slack for about half an hour and im off to...yea, dance rehearsals. it almost seems like dejavu. unfortunately, the only thing different and apparently indestructable are the problems. its like a game of uno-stacko, really. keep stacking and CRASH! your gonna go to one corner and start crying just because you played uno-stacko. lame much, but true.
(just dont stack me up, cause you won't wanna see me come crashing down on you. i don't like it either but when it crashes, it crashes.)
on my part, ive conveniently piled myself up with 3 competitions and 1 upcoming show, all taking place from now till early march. these competitions and shows are with totally different combinations of people though. which i LOVE. sure, some of these people might not be very well heard of in the scene but to me, they are everything i need to be a better person. from the ones giving endless problems to solve, to the ones with the heartiest of advises and craziest of laughs. ahh, the air outside is PRICELESS.
(sometimes, it just takes the bad to bring out the inner good like how black brings out the brightest white.)
ooh ooh, and did i mention? MY SISTERS WEDDING IS COMING! which means im gonna have in-laws. well, technically, they already are my in-laws but they're gonna be my SPONTANEOUS in-laws really soon. that will be after the wedding dinner.
(and did i mention the most exciting part? quite soon, im also gonna be an unc... ok maybe i should save this for next time.)
well, ive un-dusted about all the dust there is to un-dust here. it won't be long before i blog again though cause very soon, im gonna be loosening my shackles. which means more time for myself! WEE!
(for my own sake, i do hope i can pull if off...)
goodnight and sugar sweet dreams, fellow earthling.
thank you for reading. =)
life's a liar;
2/19/2009 11:58:00 PM
it's never as simple as it seems.
