Monday, September 15, 2008
a witches cauldron.
im perfectly sure i need ample rest for a steady start of a fresh school week, which will commence in about...5 hours time. ive got my lullaby tunes on, yet strangely, i dont get symptoms near that of a dream.sleep; that one best friend, who shelters and hides me from the demons of reality. i guess even best friends get tired...have i used sleep as an excuse to get away from the world over-excessively? my eyelids shut, just to get pulled opened again and again. with meanings after meanings rushed up my brain vessels. questions over questions, piling up in my supposed emptied body. things arent looking good in there. any smart souls with a prescription? somebody? anybody?hey, you. are you...oh...nobody...flu? well, no sneezing or leaky nasals. fever? maybe not yet. cancer? erm, i wish? but thats really besides the point. i have no idea how do i put together this mess that i have created within myself. was just holding on to that little hope that maybe this little text box here could inspire me to sucessfully manage my thoughts, wants, needs and ultimately, life. and there i go again, holding on to little hopes.what ailment is this? dosent feel as common as the common flu. nor does it feel anything close to the dreamy, relaxed state of mind that fever creates. kinda feels like vacuum has emptied me inside out. somewhere there, at least. its been 2 days, and time definately isnt healing. or perhaps, not yet? optimistic me would then preach: well, im not gonna sit here and wait, that's for sure. i might just find a miracle down the road.miracle? as a kid and as the present me, ive always enjoyed hearing that word. but what is it? where is it?now, all i want to do is cry like a fricking infant. i really envy those little guys, bursting out into tears so effortlessly. where have that side of me gone to? if the misery is not in the tear ducts, than where is it?it has to be somewhere. i know its there.questions, questions, questions. arent questions meant to be answered? or is it true that all life's questions are only answered in death? a little much uh, death? not yet, i guess. life, unfortunately, has so much more in store for me than i could ever imagine. yet how i have overlooked it when i started off my 1st word here. ashamed, i am and i should be.then again, could i be dead? and this place, hell? please, tell me im not in heaven...what exactly have i gotten myself into?and who would've thought you'd actually leave me asking myself that question. you, out of everyone else. why?
life's a liar;
9/15/2008 03:28:00 AM
it's never as simple as it seems.
